The Hardest Thing
by malsiebabe
Summary: If things werent hard enough for Meredith, she now has to fight the hardest battle of her life...MerDer because i LOVE them!
1. Life Sucks

Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's but I wish I did!

Ch.1

Life really sucks sometimes.

Meredith hung up the phone, speechless. She felt her legs grow weak as she slid down to the floor, her back against the wall. She shut her eyes, the conversation she just had replaying over and over in her mind.

_We're sorry Dr. Grey, but it appears to be worse than we thought…_

_All the symptoms are there…Easy bruising, nose bleeds, feeling tired, Loss of appetite and weight loss…_

_AML…adult__ Acute Myeloid Leukemia_

_Cancer…_

She opened her eyes and looked around her bedroom. The blood was rushing to her head.

"Cancer," she whispered, the word burning as it escaped her lips. She put her hand to her mouth, running to the bathroom, her stomach heaving.

When she was done, she stood up. She had to get out of there, she felt like she was suffocating. She grabbed her coat and ran downstairs.

"Hey are you ok?"

George and Izzie were sitting in the kitchen.

She nodded, wiping the sweat from her forehead.

"I'm going to go for a drive," she said.

Her friends nodded, watching her as she left.

"Poor thing," Izzie said once she was gone. "She's still so upset about Derek."

George nodded, looking at the door.

"She'll be ok," he said. "She's a tough girl."

Meredith had made it to her car. She put the key in the ignition and started it up. She was about to put the car in drive when the tears started pouring. She dropped her head to the steering wheel, sobs racking her body.

She was sick. She knew all along she had been. She was too smart not to notice the signs.

But now someone else had noticed.

Someone else had called her on it.

The reality of it all made her head spin.

"What am I going to do?" she hiccupped through the tears.

She looked up into the rearview mirror, wiping the tears and mascara away from her eyes. She composed herself, putting the car in drive. She wasn't sure where she was going. Before she knew it, the car was stopped.

She got out of the car and walked towards the small trailer. When she made it to the door, she hesitated, before softly knocking.

A few seconds passed. She knocked again.

No answer.

She turned to walk away. Suddenly, the door opened.

"Meredith?"

She turned around.

"Derek."

He stood there, a look of shock on his face.

She hadn't talked to him in days. Ever since Addison had come back to town.

And here she was, standing in his front yard.

He took a small step towards her.

"Hi," was all he managed to say.

She looked at her feet.

He took another step towards her. It was then he noticed that she had been crying.

"Are you ok?" he asked gently.

She looked up into his eyes.

It made her heart ache.

"Yea," she sighed, trying to hold back even more tears from falling. Her voice was shaky.

"Have you been crying?"

She put her hand to her face and cried.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I just…I didn't…"

He walked up to her, grabbing her in his arms and pulling her into his embrace.

She clutched his shirt, soaking it with her tears.

"I didn't know where else to go," she whispered.

He stroked her hair, trying to hold back his own tears.

"I'm so sorry Mer…"

She pulled back.

He had no idea what was going on.

No idea that she had just found out she was sick.

She wanted s desperately to tell him.

But she didn't.

Instead, she turned to walk away.

He reached out and grabbed her hand.

"Please, can we talk about all of this?"

She shrugged.

"Maybe some other time."

She let go of his hand and walked back to her car.

When she was sitting down she let out the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding.

She started the car up again and pulled off, leaving him behind.

She thought about her life as she made the drive home.

Her mom was in the nursing home, deteriorating with each passing day.

The man she loved more than anything else in the world was with another woman.

She just found out she had cancer…

"Yea," she muttered.

"Life really sucks sometimes."


	2. Tell the Truth

Ch.2

A week had passed since that night. Meredith sighed as she sat down on a cot in the middle of the hallway.

"Move over, my feet are killing me."

She looked up to see Christina standing there. She scooted over, making room for her friend.

"Oh, what a day," Christina moaned. "God, there's still 8 hours to go…"

She looked at Meredith who was struggling to keep her eyes open.

"Are you ok? You don't look too good."

Meredith sat up.

"Yea, I'm ok…just a little tired."

Christina frowned. She knew her friend had been down ever since Addison had come in to the picture. But something was telling her that there was more to it than just boy problems.

"Mer, you better tell me what's going on."

Meredith coughed.

"I told you, I'm fine."

"And I told you I don't believe you, so why not do us both a favor and tell me the truth?"

Meredith bit her lip. She had wanted to tell someone what was going on.

But how would they react?

"Christina-"

"You always look exhausted, you look like you've lost weight, which for you, is ridiculous because you're already a size zero…I'm not stupid Meredith."

"I know," she sighed. "I know you're not."

She reached over and grabbed Christina's hand.

"If I tell you what's really going on, you have to promise me that you won't tell anyone."

"Ok…"

"And you have to promise me that you aren't going to treat me any differently than you do now…"

"Ok, Mer, you're starting to freak me out."

Meredith took in a deep breath.

"You're right. Something is wrong with me. I haven't been feeling well lately, so last week I went and had some tests done…"

"What did they find?" Christina knew it was bad, whatever it was. She could feel it in her soul.

"AML."

Christina blinked.

"AML…as in…"

"Yep," Meredith finished her sentence. "Acute Myeloid Leukemia."

"Cancer."

"Cancer."

Neither one said a word. Finally, Christina spoke.

"There has to be some mistake. You're Meredith Grey, you're only 28…you can't have cancer."

She gave a sad smile.

"But I do." She said. "And I've accepted it."

Christina was still in shock.

"Wait…so what does this mean? Chemo? Radiation?"

"I haven't started treatment yet."

"MEREDITH." Christina yelled.

"Shh, keep you're voice down."

"You mean you've known about this for a week and you haven't started treatment yet? Are you insane?"

"I'm going to start in a few days…I have a meeting with Bailey and Webber this afternoon to tell them about it."

Christina leaned against the wall, her mind going blank.

"I don't believe any of this." Her eyes stung with fresh tears.

"Christina…don't start to cry, please,"

"I'm fine," she said wiping her eyes. "And I'm not crying, I just have something in my eye."

Meredith smiled.

"I'm going to be ok. I promise I will."

"Of course you are. How else am I going to survive this internship without you?"

Meredith shot her a look.

"Ok, right…this isn't about me." She laughed.

Meredith laughed with her. She sighed as she put her head on her shoulder.

"You're my person Christina. I wouldn't want anyone else to know."

Christina smiled.

"Do you need me to go with you to talk to Bailey?"

Meredith stood up.

"NO, I'll be ok. You're tired, get some rest."

Meredith started to walk away.

She turned around, giving Christina one last smile.

Christina watched her walk away.

When she was out of sight she collapsed on the bed, trying to stop the sobs from escaping.

Meredith made it to the elevator. She got in, relieved that she was alone.

"Hold the elevator!"

Right on cue, Derek ran up, hopping in before the door closed, leaving them alone inside.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey."

He looked at his feet.

"How are you? I was hoping we could talk about last night…"

"Derek, I'm sorry I just showed up at your place. I shouldn't have done that."

"No, I'm glad you did," he said. His eyes squinted at her, trying to read her face. She seemed so…sad.

She closed her eyes.

Derek looked around.

"Why are you going to floor 5?"

"Oh, I have a meeting with Bailey."

The door opened. They both walked out.

"Really?" he asked. "Me too."

She stopped in her tracks.

"What are you talking about?"

"She paged me this morning…Said we were having some kind of pow wow…" He looked at her.

"Is that why you're here?"

She felt like she couldn't breathe.

She didn't want Derek to know what was going on.

She started to feel dizzy.

"Meredith, are you ok?

That was the last thing she heard before she collapsed, the world around her going black.


	3. Cry just a little for me

Ch.3

He saw her knees buckle, her eyes roll back. He quickly moved, catching her as she sank to the ground.

"Meredith!"

He gently sat her down.

"Mer, open your eyes."

"What is going on here?"

Bailey was running up beside him.

"What happened?"

"I don't know, she just collapsed."

"Let's move her to room 321, it should be open."

Derek stood up, picking Meredith up in his arms.

She started stirring.

"Derek." She murmured.

"Hold on Mer, you're gonna be ok." He quickly followed Bailey, entering the room and setting her down on the bed.

Meredith blinked, trying to focus.

"Grey, talk to me," Bailey said trying to get her attention.

"I'm alright," she coughed. Her eyes scanned the room.

"You don't look ok, you look like death."

Derek placed his hand gently on her forehead wiping away the stray hair that was covering her eyes.

"You're pretty pale Mer."

"I'm fine," she said. "I just didn't have time to eat this morning before pre-rounds. MY sugar is probably just low."

Bailey and Derek looked at each other, not believing a word she was saying.

"I swear, I'm fine. I'm sorry if I scared you guys, but it's not a big deal."

"I still think we should run some tests, just to make sure," Derek suggested.

"No, it's not necessary. Really." Meredith looked at Bailey.

Bailey was taken aback by the fear in Meredith's eyes. She knew she wanted to tell her something.

"Dr. Shepard," Bailey said. "I can take it from here."

Derek shook his head.

"I want to stay and make sure she's ok."

"Shepard, you're probably needed back down in the OR…I'll make sure she's fine."

Derek looked back and forth between the two women, noticing neither one of them would make eye contact with him.

"Fine," he said reluctantly. "Page me if you need anything."

He walked towards the door.

"Dr. Bailey," he turned around. "Didn't you need to talk to me about something?"

She looked at Meredith.

"We can talk about it later," she said. "I'll page you."

He nodded, giving Meredith one last look before leaving.

Bailey turned to her.

"Ok…start talking."

"Why did you ask Derek to come to our meeting? I needed to talk to you and Dr. Webber privately."

"You said you had to talk about something important…I figured it was more Dr. McDreamy Drama…figured I might as well have the two of you together so we can get this whole mess straightened out, once and for all."

She sighed.

"This isn't about him."

Bailey rubbed her chin.

"SO what is it Grey? I know you're lying about something…you never were a good liar."

Meredith laughed.

"Well, you're right about that."

Bailey pulled up a chair as Meredith told her everything, leaving her in a stunned silence.

A first, for the Nazi.

* * *

Derek paced around his office.

She was hiding something. Something big.

Something she didn't want him to know about.

What could it be?

He thought for a moment.

"Oh my god…"

He sat down, the air leaving his lungs.

"NO," he said out loud. "She can't be."

A small laugh escaped his throat.

"Could she?"

* * *

Christina, Izzie, Alex and George were eating lunch outside.

"Christina, what's wrong?" Izzie asked.

Christina snapped out of her daze at the sound of her name.

"Huh? Oh, nothing. Nothing at all."

"What, is Burke not putting out?" Alex asked laughing.

Christina reached over and punched his shoulder.

"You're an idiot, you know that?"

Alex just smiled.

"Leave her alone Alex," George said. "If something is bothering her, she'll tell us if she wants to."

"Aww, what a gentleman," Izzie laughed.

He threw a chip at her.

"Shut up."

They all laughed. Suddenly, Derek ran up.

"Is Meredith here?"

They all stopped laughing and looked at him.

"We've barley seen her all day," Izzie said. "Why do you need to see her? Feel like breaking her heart again?"

Derek groaned.

"Could you just cut me some slack? Please? For one day, just act like I'm not some jerk who hurt your friend."

"Not possible."

Christina could see he looked worried.

"What's going on Dr. Shepard?" She wondered if he knew.

"I just need to talk to her. It's important."

"Oh, here she comes," Alex said, pointing.

They all turned and saw Meredith and Bailey walking towards them.

Christina stood up.

Derek ran over to them.

"Are you ok?" he asked when he reached her.

She nodded.

"K, cause I need to talk to you."

"Derek now's not a good time…"

"Now's a perfect time."

He grabbed her arm and pulled her away.

"What is your deal?" she asked.

"What aren't you telling me?"

She squinted.

"What?"

"You're hiding something from me…and I think I know what it is."

Meredith gulped.

"You do?"

"Yea, I do…" he laughed.

"You're pregnant, aren't you?"

"Pregnant?" She cried.

"Pregnant!" Izzie, Alex, George and Christina said in unison.

Derek and Meredith jerked around at the sound of their voices.

"She's not pregnant," Christina said.

"She's not?" Derek asked.

He turned to her.

"You're not?"

Meredith looked at her friends, confusion written on their faces. Bailey and Christina were solemn.

"She, she cant be pregnant," George stuttered.

"I'm not pregnant." She said rubbing her forehead.

"Ok, what is this? Izzie asked. "Someone better start explaining right now."

"Calm down Blondie," Bailey said. "You don't need to concern yourself."

"IT'S ok," Meredith said. She gave a sad smile. "Oh this is so not the way I wanted this to come out."

She looked at her friends.

"I know you all have been worried about me these past couple of weeks. I know I haven't exactly been myself."

Everyone's eyes immediately roamed to Derek.

"Hey," he said defensively, putting his hands up.

"No, this isn't about him," she said. "This is something more…something that is going to kill me to tell you."

Christina walked up to her and stood next to her.

"You got me," she whispered.

Meredith smiled at her friend.

"Ok," she stated. "Here's the deal." She paused.

"I have cancer."

She looked at everyone to see their reaction.

No one moved.

"So that's it. That's the big secret I've been hiding. I have cancer, I just found out about it, and now I have to leave the program temporarily so I can start treatment."

She sighed.

"Ok, somebody say something please."

Izzie walked up to her and hugged her.

"Meredith…I don't know what to say…"

"She's gonna be fine," Christina said. "Come on, it's Mer. She the toughest girl we know."

Meredith laughed, wiping away the stray tear that had fallen.

Suddenly, she turned around.

"Derek…"

He was gone.

"He left."

George walked up and grabbed her hand.

"Come sit down," he said softly.

"He really left," she said to herself.

She let her friends lead her to the table and sat down.

For the first time, in a long time, the six friends had nothing to say.

* * *

Derek made it back to his office in a daze.

Cancer.

Just thinking the word made him sick to his stomach.

And now Meredith, his Meredith…

He closed the door and sat down at his desk. Slowly, he opened his drawer, pulling out the picture of them they had taken just months earlier.

She looked so beautiful, so happy…

So healthy.

Suddenly, he was filled with an intense rage.

"Damn it!" he yelled, throwing the papers on his desk across the room.

He laid his head down, tracing the curves of her face on the picture.

* * *

Later that night, Meredith was back home, sitting in her living room, gazing out the window. She was getting ready to get up and go to bed, when all of a sudden, she saw him in her front yard.

Slowly, she stood up, meeting him at the front door.

She opened it. He stood there, staring at her.

Without saying a word, he leaned in and kissed her, shutting the door behind him.


	4. You and Me

Ch.4

She sighed as his lips met hers. He ran his fingers through her hair, cupping her face with each kiss.

She tried to pull away…but she couldn't do it.

It just felt…RIGHT.

"NO," she murmured in between kisses. She tried to pull away but he held her close.

She gave in.

They broke apart a few minutes later, trying to catch their breaths.

"HI," she said breathlessly.

"Hi."

She brought her fingers to her lips, his kiss still lingering.

"I left earlier. When you told everyone…I left."

"I know."

"I just-"

"I didn't want you to know. I'm sorry you had to hear it like that."

"Why didn't you want me to know?" he asked, trying to hide the hurt in his voice.

"Why do you think? The same reason I didn't want anyone else to know…I don't want people to treat me differently. I don't want to be known as Meredith Grey, the poor cancer victim."

"No one thinks that."

"EVERYONE thinks that. You're thinking it right now; I can see it in your eyes."

He looked away.

"I just wish you would have told me."

"Why? What good would it have done for me to tell you? Are you going to try to swoop in now and be my hero? Drop everything; leave your wife so you can spend time taking me to chemo, hold my hair back while I'm puking? Watch me wither away to practically nothing? Tell me Derek."

He didn't answer.

"You can't just show up at my door and kiss me…I don't want your sympathy because I'm sick."

"You think that the only reason I showed up here tonight and kissed you was because I found out you were sick? Do you honestly think that?"

Now she didn't answer.

"I've been in love with you since the moment I met you in that bar and you know it."

Meredith felt herself growing angry.

"Don't stand there and tell me that you love me…not when you've just chosen another woman over me."

"Addison and I…it's complicated. It's not like poof! I saw her and my feelings for you were gone. There still in here, stronger than ever," he placed a hand over his heart.

"You can't keep doing this to me." She said, her voice dripping with sorrow. "Derek, I'm just not strong enough. With everything else that is going on, I don't need this drama."

She sighed.

"Goodnight Dr. Shepard."

She turned to walk away.

"Wait." He said.

She stopped, reluctantly turning around.

"What?"

He walked over to her and grabbed her hand.

"You are the one thing in this world that matters to me. You are the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. And once I'm asleep, I dream about you."

He stroked her cheek.

"I know you're questioning a lot of things right now Mer…with everything else that is going on…but know this: the way I feel about you…it literally takes my breath away. And I'm going to always feel that way about you. No matter what happens, you and I…you're my soul."

Her breath staggered.

He leaned in and kissed her softly.

"You and me," he whispered his breath hot against her neck... He inhaled the smell of her lavender conditioner, a smell he had grown to long for.

He pulled back and looked into her eyes, giving her one of his famous smiles.

She shook her head.

"You make it impossible for me to hate you."

"Well, you make it impossible for me to not love you. Guess we're even."

She walked him to the door.

"Derek?"

He turned around.

"Thank you." She smiled.

He smiled back before turning and walking away.

She watched as he drove off. His smell, his touch…

He was inescapable.

"Bastard," she laughed as she shut the door.

Who needs cancer? He was more than enough to kill her.

* * *

George and Izzie quietly snuck down to the kitchen. It was the first day Meredith wasn't going into work…they didn't want to wake her.

"I'm already up you guys so you don't have to sneak around."

They sighed as they walked into the kitchen, seeing her sitting there, sipping her coffee.

"What are you doing up already? God, I would pay to not have to be up right now." Izzie said.

"I thought you guys might like some breakfast!"

"Did you cook?" George asked, glancing around the kitchen.

"Hell no," she laughed. "But I did buy some doughnuts."

"Ohhh I knew I loved you for some reason," Izzie laughed.

They sat around, talking, eating and laughing.

"Are you going to come in at all today?" George asked.

"Well, I'm starting the chemo tomorrow, so I'll probably just hang out around here today…try to have a day of relaxing, ya know?"

They nodded. Izzie looked at her watch.

"We're going to miss pre-rounds if we don't go." She said standing up.

George followed her.

"Thanks for the food," he said kissing her cheek.

Meredith smiled.

"Anytime."

Once they had left, Meredith got up and walked around.

Relax. How was she supposed to be relaxed? The only place she ever felt completely calm was at the hospital…

Or with Derek.

She groaned.

"I'm worse than freakin 10 year old." She muttered to herself.

"Yea, those 10 year olds are pretty obnoxious."

She turned around. Derek was standing in her doorway.

"Hello beautiful."

She shook her head in disbelief.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well," he said smiling. "I happened to hear a rumor that you were going to be here…and I don't have any surgeries today…who would have thought?"

She laughed.

"And so I thought…today would be a perfect day to just…hang out."

"Hang out?"

He nodded.

"Ok…" she said, suddenly feeling nervous.

"What do you want to do?"

He rubbed his hands together.

"Oh I think I have a few ideas…"

A/N Hey people! I love the reviews! Keep em coming! I know this chapter was kind of fluffy, but have no fear…I have a LOT of drama comin up! Thanks guys, I love the feedback -)


	5. All of You

Ch.5

"That was…incredible."

Meredith sat back in her chair, sighing, looking at the empty plate before her.

"Who would have known you were such a good cook?"

"Hey, "Derek pointed his fork at her. "I'll have you know that I am world famous for my spaghetti and meat sauce thank you very much."

She laughed.

"Derek today has been amazing. First the ferry boat ride, then the movie and now this dinner."

She looked away.

"What's wrong?"

"I just feel so…I don't know…guilty."

"Guilty?" He stood up, grabbing her plate with his and walking to the sink.

"Why do you feel guilty?"

"What do you mean why? I've just had the best date of my entire life and it's with a married man."

He looked at her.

"I told you earlier, I talked to Addison. She's staying at Seattle Grace, but we're not together anymore. We both agreed it was for the best."

"I know, but technically, you're still married to her. I feel like a cheap hooker."

Derek laughed.

"It's not funny!" she laughed, trying to be serious.

"It's a little funny."

She groaned, walking over to him.

"This really has been one of the best days I've ever had."

He twirled with her hair.

"I'm glad."

She stared into his eyes, surprised at how easy it was to get lost in them.

He stared back. He inched closer, wanting to kiss her. Suddenly, he pulled back, a look of sadness coming across his face.

"What is it?" she asked.

"It's, uh, your nose," he said.

"What?" she reached up to her face, the warm blood covering her fingers.

"Damn it," she sighed, reaching for a paper towel. "They said this might happen."

She put the towel to her face, leaning her head back.

"Well, if that didn't just kill the moment."

Derek grabbed her hand.

"Come on," he said leading her into the living room. He sat her down on the couch. Sitting beside her, he held her hand, not saying a word.

When her nose stopped bleeding, she looked over at him.

"I'm alright."

He nodded. He tried to speak but felt himself choking.

She threw the towel away and washed her hands. But the time she made it back to the living room she was crying.

"Meredith."

She sat down.

"I'm sorry; I don't know why I'm getting so emotional."

He scrunched his face.

"Please don't cry Mer…you know it kills me to see you cry."

She wiped her eyes.

"Its just, after everything we've done today, after all the fun we've had…the day was beyond perfection. And now this happens and it brings me back to reality that today was the last fun day I'm going to be having for a long time. And what's even worse is that you're sitting here with me and your life is about to change…all I am is a burden."

He leaned back against the couch, shutting his eyes.

"Do you think that I think of you as a burden?"

"NO, I don't think you consider me one…but that doesn't mean that I'm not one Derek. You're young. You're an amazing surgeon, you have family and friends that love you…I don't need to drag you down with all of this, I don't want to."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I love you too much to see you be burdened with taking care of me. I won't let you waste your life."

"You just don't get it Mer." He said sadly. "I have no life without you. Don't you see that? I never realized my life was missing something until I met you and I felt complete. For the first time in my life I felt like a whole person."

"Derek-"she rubbed her forehead. "Things are going to be tough and they're going to be scary. And yes, the thought of you by my side makes everything seem better…for me. But not for you."

He rubbed his face.

"So what are you saying? You don't want me there tomorrow?"

She nodded.

He stood up.

"Derek, where are you going?"

"You are the most infuriating woman I have ever met," he said angrily. "Can you just, for one second in your life, think that maybe, there is someone who actually wants to be with you? All of you? For the good and the bad and all the crap in between. I don't understand why it is so hard for you to comprehend that."

He walked towards the door.

"Well I 'm sorry but it is hard!" she yelled back. "I've been alone my whole life. The thought of someone willing to practically give theirs up for me is new territory."

He turned around.

She hung her head.

"I do want you there tomorrow Derek. More than anything, I want you there. I'm just…"

"Stubborn?"

She smirked.

"Well that's one way of looking at it."

He groaned.

"Meredith Grey, you are the most challenging person I have ever met in my entire existence. You're stubborn, and hard headed, and most of the time, you're a handful."

She smiled.

"But…"

"But," he continued. "You keep drawing me back in. Now-"

Suddenly, his pager went off.

He grabbed it.

"What is it?"

"It's a 911 from the hospital."

Then, without warning, Meredith heard her pager from the other room.

"Why would they be paging me?"

She ran in and grabbed it.

"911," she said running back in. "What do you think it is?"

"I don't know but I guess we better go find out." He grabbed her coat, helping her put it on.

"I just don't get why they paged me," she said. "It must be something really big."

She walked out the door. He put on his coat, walking behind her, trying to hide his smile.

"Let's go."

* * *

"Son of a –"

Meredith ran into the hospital only to see her friends there, laughing.

"Surprise!" they yelled, George holding up a "Get Well Soon" sign.

She turned to Derek.

"I hope you didn't have anything to do with this."

"Who, Shepard?" Christina walked up to her. "That bastard planned the whole thing."

"Oh, Dr. Yang, I am going to remember that next time we're doing rounds," he laughed.

"You planned this?" Meredith asked.

"The perfect ending to a perfect day," he whispered into her ear.

She smiled.

"Ok," Izzie said. "The party is actually upstairs on the roof. We've got food and music and dancing…"

"It's kinda like prom, but with any luck, no one will be getting knocked up in the back seat of a car." Christina said.

Everyone looked at her.

"OK I hate you all, now let's go."

Everyone laughed as they followed her to the roof.

A few hours later, the party was winding down. Everyone was saying their goodbyes.

"We'll see you tomorrow Dr. Grey," Burke said kissing her cheek.

Christina hugged her.

"I'll try to meet you for your appointment," she said. "If I don't make it down in time, try and find me before you leave, ok?"

"Ok."

Meredith waved as she watched them walk away, hand in hand.

"We're going to head back to the house," Izzie said. "I think George has had a little too much to drink tonight."

"I'm not drunk!" he yelled, his words slurred.

"Ok, maybe I am a little bit…"

Meredith laughed.

"I'll be home soon."

Izzie looked behind her at Derek who was talking to Bailey.

"Have fun," she smiled. "Come one George!"

"Coming!" he hugged Meredith.

"Bye Mer."

"Bye George," she laughed.

Bailey left a few moments later, leaving the two of them alone.

Meredith looked out at the city below her.

"Wow," she breathed. "You know, I've lived here for most of my life and I've never really seen how incredible this city is."

"Ehh, it's ok." Derek said standing next to her. She glared at him.

"What? I'm sorry, I'm a New Yorker."

She smiled.

"Look at it Derek. Doesn't it just take your breath away?"

"Parts of it do…like you."

She rolled her eyes.

"I bet you've been dying to say that all night."

"Since the moment we came up here," he laughed. "Cheesy I know…what can I say, I'm a romantic."

She leaned into him.

"Thank you for everything." She said. "I know I've said it a lot today…but you've deserved it. I'll never be able to thank you enough for all of this."

He reached out his hand.

"Dance with me."

"What?"

"Dance with me," he said again. "IF you want to thank me, then you've gotta dance."

She took his hand.

"Ok."

He pulled her close, softly swaying.

"There's no music." She whispered.

"Sure there is…you're just not listening hard enough."

She closed her eyes, resting her head against his chest.

For a brief moment, she felt invincible.

A feeling, she knew, she might never feel again.


	6. The wait

Ch.6

"How's it going?"

Meredith looked up from her hospital bed to see Christina in the doorway.

"Day number 5 of treatment…it's pretty much the same as days 1-4"

Christina pulled up a chair.

"At least you don't have to stay in this hospital all the time. You get to come in for a few hours, get the treatment and go home to McDreamy."

Meredith smiled.

"That is a plus."

Christina stared at the IV in Meredith's arm.

"Christina."

"Yea?" she snapped her head.

"Tell me something about you."

"Me?"

"Yea…I'm sick of being the topic of conversation. Tell me something."

"Ok…well…Burke made dinner last night. Let's just say we should be glad he's a talented surgeon, because he aint no chef."

Meredith laughed.

"I'm sure he's good at other things too…"

"Damn right he is. He's my man, he's gotta be good."

The girls laughed.

Christina's pager beeped.

"Ok, I gotta run. Call me later?"

"You know I will."

* * *

Later that night, Meredith was lying on the couch when Derek came over.

He sat down beside her, exhausted.

"Long day?" she asked.

He just nodded.

"I had this little girl come into day, her parents were distraught, she was having some kind of seizure…we tried everything to figure out what was wrong with her."

"What happened?"

He sighed.

"She died an hour ago."

Meredith sat up, wrapping her arms around him.

"I'm sorry."

He shook his head.

"You know, I love what I do. I love being a surgeon…but some days, I just don't know if I'm strong enough."

"Of course you are Derek. You're one of the best surgeons that hospital has."

He looked at her. He rolled his eyes.

"How are you feeling? I don't know why I started rambling on about my stupid job when you're lying here like this…"

"I'm doing ok. And I like hearing about your job. It's nice ya know? Makes things seem a little more normal."

He gave her a half smile.

"SO treatment went well?"

"Same old same old." She fell back against the couch. "I'm exhausted."

He rubbed her leg.

"Come on; let's go get you in bed."

She stood up. He grabbed onto her, noticing her legs were shaky.

"Can you make it?"

"I think so."

She took a few more steps before sinking into his arms.

"Maybe not."

He bent down and picked her up, carrying her up the stairs.

"I knew I had you around for a reason," she joked.

He laughed as he laid her down on the bed, tucking her in.

He bent down next to her, gently stroking her hair.

"You sure you're ok?"

"I'm fine," she said. "It's just the treatment."

He nodded.

"I'm going to grab something to eat…I'll be up soon ok?"

She nodded, already drifting off.

Derek went down to the kitchen, trying to find something to eat.

After looking around, he settled for some macaroni and cheese, a favorite of his.

He finished up and washed the dishes. After walking upstairs and taking a quick, hot shower, he finally made it back to the bedroom. The light was off. He carefully sat down on the bed, lifting up the covers to slide under. Once he was settled, he reached over to wrap his arms around her, a habit he had grown accustomed to.

He touched her, pulling back instantly, his hand wet.

He sat up.

"Meredith?"

She didn't answer.

He turned on the light and looked at her.

She was drenched in sweat, her teeth chattering.

"Meredith." He placed his hand on her forehead.

"Oh god."

She was burning up.

He jumped out of bed and ran over to her, pulling her covers back.

She stirred, mumbling something he couldn't understand.

"You've got to get up Mer," he said urgently. "Come on."

He picked her up again, the second time of the night. This time, he ran down the stairs with her in his arms. He grabbed his keys and sat her down on the passenger side. He hopped in and sped away.

"Derek," she muttered, her breathing becoming labored.

"Shh, it's ok. Just hold on."

He reached into his briefcase he had left in the car earlier that night, pulling out his cell phone. He dialed the hospital, letting them know they were on the way.

He drove 80, running every red light that stood in his way. After what seemed like an eternity, he pulled into the emergency wing of Seattle Grace.

Doctors were waiting by the door.

"What's her status?" they asked loading her onto a stretcher.

"Female, 28, recently diagnosed with AML, started treatment a few days ago." Derek said breathlessly.

The attending wheeled her down the hall into an empty room.

"Dr Shepard" Miranda ran up to him.

"Something's wrong with her-"

"I know, we're going to go take a look. Why don't you go sit down in the waiting room?"

"NO, I'm coming back there."

"She's not your patient Derek."

"It's Meredith, Bailey!" he yelled, as if there would be any question of him going back.

"I know its Meredith and that is exactly why I don't want you in that room."

He tried to move past her. She moved in front of him.

"Dr. Bailey," he said sternly. "GET out of my way!"

"I'm not moving until you go over there and sit down."

Suddenly, Izzie ran up to them.

"Oh my god, I just heard, is she alright?"

"Stevens, take Shepard over to the waiting room so I can go back and examine her."

Bailey turned to Derek, seeing how upset he was. She sighed.

"Trust me Derek…you don't want to see her like this."

Izzie placed her hand on his shoulder as Miranda ran down the hall.

"Come on," she said gently, leading him over to an empty seat. Defeated, he sat down, running his fingers through his hair.

She sat down next to him.

"I called Christina and Burke, they're on their way."

"Ok."

She twirled her fingers nervously through her hair.

"She's going to be fine Dr. Shepard…right?"

He didn't say anything.

The truth is, he didn't know.

All they could do was sit there and wait.


	7. Long Days

Ch 7

"Just an infection?"

Bailey nodded.

"Her immune system is so torn down from the chemo, she's susceptible to all types of diseases, and infections…we've given her some meds. She should be able to sleep this one off.

Derek nodded, turning to his friends behind them and smiling, letting them know she was alright.

"We're going to keep her here overnight obviously. We'll see how she is in the morning. Dr Shepard?"

"Yea?"

"Have you guys talked about…you know… her staying here?"

"You know she would never go for that."

"If she's getting this sick her first week of treatment, who knows whats going to happen a week, a month down the road? She needs to be under observation."

"Can I go see her?"

She coughed, noticing his change of subject.

"She's asleep but you can go back there. I'll tell the others."

"Thanks."

She watched him walk away.

As she made it over to the others, they could tell she was troubled.

"What's wrong Dr. Bailey?" Christina asked.

She sighed.

"They don't even know the road they have ahead of them…they don't even know…"

* * *

He made it to her room. He paused as he looked in, taken aback by how frail she looked in the tiny hospital bed. He saw dozens of patients a day, but seeing her like this…it broke his heart.

He sat down beside her, taking her hand in his. She was asleep, her breathing slowed and labored.

He closed his eyes, listening to the beeping of the machines that were attached to her. In the morning she would wake up and she would be fine.

Denial was one of Derek's strong suits.

* * *

"Derek…Derek, wake up."

He opened his eyes. He blinked, trying to focus. He looked over, seeing Meredith looking back at him.

"Hey," he said smiling. "You're awake."

"And so are you…finally." She joked.

He laughed, looking at his watch.

"8 a.m.…I think I might be late for work.. Good thing I'm already here…"

"Everyone has already been in here asking if you were working today…I told them I would wake you up, see what time you had surgery."

He rubbed his eyes.

"I have an hour until I have to scrub in," he said. "After last night, work was the last thing on my mind."

She nodded.

"I don't know what happened. I just thought I was tired…"

"It's just an infection: Bailey said you'll recover…she misses having you to boss around."

Meredith laughed, a sound that made Derek's heart melt every time he heard it.

"Well that's always good to hear."

He nodded silently.

"So," she said breaking the silence. "You should go get cleaned up. You look like crap."

He laughed.

"Well that's always nice to hear."

"You know what I mean," she said. "You've been here all night, you look exhausted…go, get something to eat, take a shower. I'm sure you're going to have another long day with surgery."

He sighed.

"Ok, fine. I can see when I'm not wanted."

She groaned, causing him to laugh harder.

"I'll be back later ok?" he stood up, leaning down and kissing her forehead.

She smiled as he made it to the door.

"Hey Mer"

"Yea?"

"Love you."

He turned and left, leaving her with one of his infamous McDreamy smiles.

She leaned her head back against her pillow and closed her eyes.

"Love you too."

* * *

He was halfway done with his day and hadn't had the chance to check on her yet.

The wait was driving him crazy.

"Whatcha thinking about?"

He turned and saw George standing next to him.

"Take a guess."

George smiled.

"I think she's on all of our minds these days."

Derek agreed.

"You know," George jumped in. "Bailey was talking to us about Meredith maybe staying here at the hospital…at least for a little while."

Derek snapped his head up.

"Oh did she?"

"I don't think it's such a bad idea," George defended himself. "You were there with her last night…she's only going to get worse before she gets better."

"Meredith has told me over and over again that she doesn't want to stay at the hospital George. She wants to be able to go home each night, have some sense of normalcy in her life."

"I don't care if that's what she said!" George yelled, growing emotional. "She isn't thinking straight. I know she's saying that she wants that, but it's not what's best for her. Dr. Shepard…you are the only one who can make her listen."

"George-"

"NO, you know what? He interrupted. "Forget it. Be selfish about it, see if I care."

"Selfish?" Derek grew angry. "How is honoring her wishes selfish?"

George stared at him.

"You'd rather have her in bed with you than in some hospital bed and you know it."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"I know that if this was any other patient besides Meredith, you wouldn't take no for an answer…even if it was their wish. Because deep down, you know that Meredith needs to stay."

George grabbed a chart off the counter.

"See you around Dr. Shepard."

He walked away, leaving Derek alone. He knew George was right. He was always right.

He hated that about him.

He gave a small half smile.

"Damn it George." He whispered under his breath.

George had gotten Derek out of his denial…

And now that it was gone, the truth was so much clearer.

He checked his watch, seeing he had time and made it towards Meredith's room.

He had to convince her to stay.

No matter how hard she fights it.

He stopped outside of her door, sucking in a deep breath.

"Here goes nothing."

He knocked, opening the door.

"Meredith, we need to talk…"

His voice trailed off.

The room was empty.

"Meredith?" he looked around, seeing no sign of her.

His heart starting racing as he glanced down the hallway, looking for her.

"Meredith?" he yelled.

He ran down to the desk.

"Where is the patient that was in room 4058?"

An old, gray haired woman looked up at him.

"Who?"

"Meredith Grey, she was in room 4058, I need to know where she was moved to."

The woman looked down the hall at the room.

"Oh her…she was moved down to ICU about an hour ago."

"Intensive care?" Derek felt a lump form in the back of his throat.

The woman started to say something but she was too late. Derek took off, running down the hallway.


	8. 2 down

I Am sooooo sorry it has taken me this long to update. I have been having a lot of family issues recently, and I haven't had the time. This chapter isn't very long, and it might be a while before I am able to update again. I hope you all understand and are still interested in the story. I will do my best to keep posting. Thanks guys!

Ch.8

Derek ran down the halls of Seattle Grace faster than he ever has. His mind was on one thing only.

He took the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator and ran down 5 flights to the intensive care unit.

He looked around frantically. A blonde nurse walked up to him.

"Dr. Shepard?"

"I'm looking for Meredith Grey, she was brought down about an hour ago," he said gasping for air. He put his hands on his knees and tried to breath.

"Who?"

"Meredith Grey," he said slowly.

She glanced at her chart.

"I'm not seeing the name…let me go look…"

Derek's pager beeped.

He grabbed it.

"Damn it."

It was a 911, he was needed in the OR.

He glanced around.

The nurse walked back out.

"I'm sorry, I can't find her chart."

"She's here I know she is." He insisted. His pager went off again, another 911.

"I have to go," he said frantically. "When you find her, page me!" he took off for the stairs once more. He hated not knowing where she was. His thoughts were interrupted by a third page.

He made it to the OR a few minutes later, completely out of breathe.

"Where have you been?" Bailey asked angrily. "We've paged you three damn times!"

"What…what's wrong?" he put his hands on his knees, gasping for air.

"Car accident, one doa, another one, female, age 22, head trauma...she has massive swelling around her brain.

"Is she prepped for surgery?"

"We're just waiting on you."

Derek went to the sink to scrub in.

"I was looking for Meredith, she wasn't in her room."

Bailey stared at him.

He stared back.

"What?"

"You didn't hear? She asked.

His face sunk.

"What is it? The nurse told me she was rushed to ICU, but I went there and she wasn't there and I'm losing my mind!"

"ICU? Meredith wasn't rushed to ICU."

Derek sighed.

"Thank god." He grabbed a towel to dry his hands off with. "Then where is she?"

"ICU."

Derek looked at her.

"Ok…she wasn't rushed to ICU…but she's in ICU…I'm not following."

Bailey threw her towel on the floor

"SHE wasn't taken to ICU…I mean, she was, but not for her…"

"Dr. Bailey, I have NO idea what you're trying to say."

They went through the doors, the nurse's helping them with their scrubs.

"It's her mother."

"What's her mother?"

"Her mother was brought in and put in ICU. Meredith went down to be with her."

Derek stopped moving.

"Oh." Was all he could manage to say.

Bailey looked around at the doctors and nurses standing by.

"Now can we please get some operating done in this OR?"

* * *

"So what's her prognosis?"

Richard sighed.

"It's not good Meredith…you know how serious a stroke can be."

Meredith nodded.

"So, she's dying…is that what you're telling me?"

Richard felt sick to his stomach. The woman he loved, had loved most of his life, was on the brink of death…and he couldn't even show emotion.

"Just pray for her Meredith. She's tough, like you."

"Pray?" Meredith spat. "You want me to pray? No offense Richard, but God and I aren't exactly on speaking terms at the moment."

Richard blinked.

"Well maybe you should be."

He placed his hand on her shoulder.

"I know this is tough…and a lot is going on with you. With everything else, this seems unfair to be happening."

She blinked back tears.

"BUT, it is happening Meredith. You are sick. So is your mother. That is reality. Now you need to help her through this. You need to be strong enough for the both of you, or neither of you will make it."

Meredith leaned up and hugged him.

"You were always such a good friend to her." She said in his ear.

He smiled.

She pulled back.

"Thank you Dr. Webber."

He winked as he left the room. He watched from the hallway as Meredith walked over to her mother, grabbing her hand.

"Dr. Webber!"

He turned around to see Christina walking towards him.

"This is unbelievable. Could anything else go wrong for her right now?"

Richard shook his head.

"Let's just hope that this is the end of her bad luck."

Even as he said it, he shuddered, knowing he didn't believe it.

As a doctor he had come across a certain rule in life that always rings true.

Bad things happen in threes.

Meredith was sick. Her mother was sick.

Two down, one to go…


	9. Secrets and Lies

Ch.9

"Hey."

Meredith lifted her head up to see Derek standing next to her.

"I'm so sorry Mer."

She nodded, looking back to her mother. She grabbed her hand.

"Her hands are so cold." Meredith whispered. "These great hands, that saved so many lives…"

"She was a great surgeon." Derek whispered leaning down next to her. He gently rubbed her back. She shivered at this touch.

"Richard said it's up to me…the whole life support thing. I have to decide whether or not I want to kill my own mother."

He sighed.

"What are her chances?"

"Pretty much non-existent. I know I should just do it. Let her be in peace. If this was a patient, I would have recommended it myself. No one should live this like, strapped to machines. It's just that she's…"

"Your mother," he finished. "And it's personal."

She brought her hand to her face and rubbed her eyes.

"The thing is, she really isn't my mother. I mean, she is, but she's not the same. She hasn't been since she first got sick. She doesn't even know who I am. Still…I just don't know if I can do it."

"You don't have to decide anything today Mer," Derek said. "You look like you're exhausted; don't forget, you need your rest too."

She nodded.

"I don't want to leave her alone down here."

"She's not alone. And you'll be just a few floors away."

"But-"

"Nothing is going to happen with her tonight Meredith. I promise."

He grabbed her hand, pulling her up.

"Derek?"

"Yea?" he looked down at her.

"Will you stay with me tonight?"

He sighed, brushing away a stray piece of hair that had covered her forehead. He leaned in and kissed her cheek.

"Do you really even have to ask?"

She smiled as they walked out, hand in hand, and up to her room.

They fell asleep in each others arms, crammed together on her tiny, hospital bed.

The next morning, Derek woke up to find himself alone.

He sat up.

"Meredith?"

He heard sounds coming from the bathroom.

He got up and walked over, slowly knocking on the door.

"Mer?" he peeked his head in.

She was there on the floor, her body shaking.

"Stupid Chemo," she tried to joke, wiping the sweat off of her forehead.

He sat down beside her.

"How long have you been up?"

"About an hour," she said, her teeth chattering.

He wrapped his arms around her to try and stop the shaking.

"It'll pass," he said soothingly into her ear.

She felt her body relaxing.

"I'm ok," she said, stating to feel better. She took in a deep breath.

Derek ran his fingers through her hair.

"You sure?"

She nodded, pulling away from him.

"Yea, I feel better."

He stared at her.

"You're so beautiful."

She laughed.

"Yea right…with the hair matted to my head, covered in sweat, in this ridiculously ugly hospital gown."

"I mean it," he smiled. "You really are."

She smiled back.

"You're a dork. And I need to go see my mother."

Derek stood up, helping her to her feet.

"Can you make it?"

"I think so."

She threw her hair back into a ponytail.

"Why don't you go get cleaned up first," Derek suggested. "Take a shower; relax for a minute…I can go check on your mother."

She nodded.

"Maybe that is a good idea. Alright, I'll get moving and meet you down there in a few minutes?"

"Sounds good."

He left, making his way down the hall towards the elevator.

He smiled.

Every time he saw an elevator, he thought of her. It amazed him how little, everyday things could make him think of her.

He made it down to ICU. Richard was standing by Meredith's mother's door.

"Dr. Webber."

Richard turned around.

"Dr. Shepard."

Derek looked in the room. Her mother was unmoving.

"Any change?"

Richard sighed.

"None whatsoever. I knew it was a long shot, but I was hoping for some change, any change."

Derek sighed.

"Meredith is going to be down in a few minutes. I'm not sure if she's made a decision yet about what to do."

Richards's eyes shone.

"It's Ellis," he whispered to himself. Derek looked at him.

"I guess you and Ellis did used to work together. This must be hard on you to…seeing an old friend like this."

Richard shook his head.

"Ellis Grey wasn't just an old friend," he said, giving Derek a sad smile.

Derek blinked. Suddenly, it dawned on him.

"You mean…you were, more than just friends?"

Richard didn't say anything. He didn't have to. Derek knew the truth. He was sick of hiding it.

"It was a long time ago," he finally said. "I wish I could just erase the feelings I used to have for her, but no matter how hard I try…they just grow stronger."

Derek was speechless.

"And before you say anything, it was more than just a cheap affair. We had a real connection with one another…one that we couldn't find with our spouses. It wasn't just physical, it was emotional. We made each other better people."

"Dr. Webber, I don't think you should be telling me this…"

"Meredith doesn't know," Richard said sternly. "I've wanted to tell her, so many times…but not now, not with everything else."

"Son of a bitch."

Richard and Derek turned around, startled. Meredith was standing there, her arms crossed.

"Mer…" Derek stammered.

Richard locked eyes with her. Her gaze was fierce.

"So tell me Dr. Webber," she said angrily. "Exactly how long have you been screwing my mother?"


	10. Goodbye Love

Ch.10

"Answer me Richard."

Richard and Derek were stunned to see Meredith standing behind them.

"You and my mother. All this time."

"Meredith, calm down," Derek said walking up to her.

"God, I feel so STUPID!" she yelled, her blood boiling. "It was you…all this time. The reason my father left all those years ago…why you still go and visit her at the nursing home."

Richard looked down at his feet.

"yes." He whispered.

Meredith bit her lip.

"My mother was a great woman and a hell of a surgeon. She had a family...a husband that would have given her the world and you destroyed that."

"Your mother was unhappy," Richard snapped back. "Your father wouldn't even acknowledge her. I made her happy."

Meredith tried to charge at him but Derek held her back.

"Are you still seeing her?" Meredith yelled. "Newsflash, Richard, she doesn't even remember anything She probably just thinks your some hospital worker, she has NO idea who you are!"

"She remembers me. What we had" He reassured himself.

Meredith stumbled, blinking rapidly.

"Mer, you need to go lie down." Derek said.

"Not now Derek…"

"Meredith." He grabbed her shoulders.

She glared back stubbornly. Finally, she turned and walked back to the elevator. She turned around once more to glance at Richard.

"Thanks a lot Dr. Webber."

She got on the elevator and went back to her room, leaving Derek and Richard alone.

"Chief," Derek said.

Richard looked at the floor.

"If you need me, I'll be in my office."

Derek watched him leave, leaving him alone.

* * *

A few hours later, Derek made it back to Meredith's room.

She was sitting on her bed, a picture of her and her mother held tightly in her hand.

"Her whole life was a lie." Meredith said not looking up.

Derek sat down next to her.

"You know, my parents were unhappy." He said. "I remember growing up and hearing them yell at each other every night. A few times, my father even walked out. But he always came back. Neither of them wanted to admit defeat, to break their vows. So instead of going their separate ways and being happy, they stayed together and were miserable."

Meredith looked at him.

"You've never told me that."

"I've never told anyone that. Meredith don't you see? Your mother might have left your father…but they both ended up happier than if they would have stayed together."

She fell back on the bed.

"I see what your saying Derek. But still…what was so bad about us? What did we do wrong that she felt like she had to leave?"

Derek curled up next to her.

"She didn't leave you Mer. She always had you."

She closed her eyes.

"So really, what you're saying is that I should be thanking Richard for making my mother happy?"

Derek shook his head.

"You don't have to thank him…just maybe consider his feelings too…whether you want to admit it or not he loves your mother. This must be hard for him, seeing her like this."

Meredith leaned over and let Derek wrap her arms around her.

"I hate it when you're right," she smiled.

Derek laughed.

"I know." He kissed the top of her head.

"I need to go check on a few patients. He released her, standing up. "Dinner later?"

"Anything but hospital food," she laughed.

"It's a deal," he said winking at her.

She waited a few minutes after she had left before getting up from the bed and slowly walking down the hall towards the elevator.

She knew she needed to apologize to Richard.

She got in, pressing the button for her mother's floor and waited. When she heard the ding, she opened her eyes, surprised to see doctors running around frantically.

She rushed out of the elevator.

Oh god.

They were rushing into her mother's room.

She ran as fast as she could, stunned to see doctors and nurses huddling over her mother's body.

"Charge to 200." She heard someone say.

She covered her mouth as her mothers body jolted from the electric current.

"What's going on?" she cried.

A nurse turned around.

"Dr. Grey."

"What is wrong with my mother?"

"Charge to 260," the doctor repeated.

The nurse walked over to her.

"Dr. Grey, you're mother is in a code blue state."

Meredith grew pale.

"Code blue? I don't understand, she was on life support…"

"We're doing everything to save her," the nurse said hurriedly. "Please wait outside until we're done."

"But that's my mother…"

"I know. And that's why you shouldn't be in here for this."

The nurse led her outside. She leaned against the cool, brick wall for support, slowly sinking to the ground.

"But I didn't get to say goodbye," she whispered.

Richard watched everything from his office. His heart broke when he saw Meredith, sobbing on the floor next to Ellis's room.

He sat down at his desk and put his face in his hands.

He choked back a sob.

"Why did I do it?

He stood up, walking over to his door. He saw the doctor walk out slowly to Meredith, to comfort her.

"Why did I pull the plug?"

He sucked in a deep breath, realizing what he had just done.

He had wanted to release her, to let the woman that he loved be in peace.

So he did what he had to do.

He killed Ellis Grey.


End file.
